The decision not to have children is still treated, in many circles, as something that requires justification — or that will eventually be regretted. So we asked people who made that choice to share where they actually stand. These are their words.
1. “Not for a second.”
“I’m 41. I have a career I love, a partner who’s my best friend, and the freedom to live exactly the life I designed. People kept telling me I’d regret it. I don’t. Not even a little.” — Dana, 41
2. “I regret not doing it sooner.”
“I agonized over the decision for years. The moment I finally committed to it and stopped treating it as something to reconsider, I felt relief I hadn’t felt in a decade. My only regret is the years I spent second-guessing myself.” — Marcus, 38
3. “Sometimes. But not the way people expect.”
“I don’t regret not having kids, but I do sometimes feel something when I’m with my nieces and nephew — this tenderness I wasn’t expecting. I think I could have loved being a parent. I also know I love my life as it is. Both things are true.” — Simone, 44
4. “I was made to feel like I should regret it. I never did.”
“People projected so much onto my choice. Every holiday, every milestone birthday — someone would ask if I’d ‘changed my mind yet.’ The regret they were looking for was never there. What I felt was irritation at constantly having to defend a life that made me happy.” — Priya, 47
5. “I do, honestly. More than I expected.”
“I’m in my early fifties now and I feel it — especially watching friends with adult children who are genuinely close with them. I thought I was certain. Maybe I was, at 32. But life changes you. I’d be lying if I said I felt nothing.” — Richard, 53
6. “No regret. A lot of gratitude.”
“I was very clear from a young age that this wasn’t the life I wanted. I’ve watched my siblings raise their kids and I’ve appreciated having a different path. I’m genuinely grateful for the life I have — the travel, the creative work, the quiet mornings.” — Lena, 39
7. “I regret that I let others make me doubt myself.”
“The decision itself? No regrets. But I spent way too many years letting other people’s opinions create anxiety about my choice. I wish I’d gotten comfortable with it sooner instead of constantly bracing for the criticism.” — Tristan, 42
8. “It wasn’t really a choice for me — it was a medical reality.”
“People assume I chose not to have children. The truth is more complicated — my body made that decision before I did. There’s grief in that, but also peace. I’ve built a life that feels full. Regret isn’t the right word.” — Anita, 46
9. “Zero. I sleep great.”
“I’m a light sleeper, an introvert, and I have a low tolerance for chaos. I was honest with myself about what I could realistically give, and parenting wasn’t it. I’m a fantastic uncle and a devoted friend. That feels like enough.” — James, 44
10. “The regret I feel is for the younger me who couldn’t say it out loud.”
“I knew by my mid-twenties that I didn’t want children. But I spent years pretending I was ‘still figuring it out’ because the actual answer felt like too much to defend. I wish I’d owned it earlier.” — Kezia, 40
11. “Sometimes in theory. Never in practice.”
“In the abstract, I can imagine a version of my life with kids and it doesn’t seem terrible. But then I actually spend a weekend with a friend’s toddler and I come home deeply grateful for the silence.” — Marlo, 36
12. “My life has been meaningful. That’s what matters.”
“I’ve taught, mentored, traveled, loved deeply. I’ve made contributions. The idea that a life without children is somehow incomplete — that’s the narrative I had to actively unlearn. Meaning looks different for different people.” — Carolyn, 58
13. “I regret not having better support for the decision.”
“What I wish I’d had is a community of people who normalized it. Instead I navigated the whole thing mostly alone, feeling like I had to justify myself constantly. The choice itself? Fine. The loneliness around it? That I could’ve done without.” — Naomi, 45
14. “Yes and no — and I’ve made peace with that ambiguity.”
“I don’t think I need to land on a clean answer. Life is complicated and so is this. There are days I feel a twinge of something — and days I feel completely at peace. I’ve stopped needing it to resolve into certainty.” — Beth, 49
15. “I regret that I ever let anyone make me feel like I should.”
“The most exhausting part of this choice was managing everyone else’s feelings about it. My mother. My in-laws. Random acquaintances who couldn’t mind their business. My actual life has been wonderful. The regret I feel is for every moment I spent defending it instead of just living it.” — Tanya, 50
What’s striking across all of these stories is how personal and varied the experience really is. There’s no universal regret — and no universal peace. What there is, for most of these people, is a life deliberately chosen. And that seems to matter more than anything else.